You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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