white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I think my moral compass just broke
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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