Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
We have so much sex to catch up on
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Randomize