you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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