I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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