"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
