I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
