I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
