Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
