I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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