He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
