my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
