I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
