take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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