take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
