I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
