It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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