It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
