My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
