whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
