Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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