we're blogging at a bar
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Randomize
