it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The power of my boobs compel you
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
