She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
