His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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