I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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