Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
