the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
