I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
