Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
