why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
