i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
either way he was missing a nipple.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
