Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
