Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
