So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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