Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
