he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize