I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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