Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
