just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
