just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
