I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
How many fucks given?
0.12846
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
