When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
