Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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