There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
