I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
