OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
