she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
