i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
