I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
