All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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