you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
