She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
