Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
