I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
