when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
