I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
