The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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