hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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