You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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