Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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