I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
