Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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