@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize