i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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