Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
