I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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