my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My bed smells like the plague
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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