Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
