I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
