i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
