i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
