highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
