actually, I'm a sock model
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
