Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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