i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
