just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
