i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize