I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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