I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
