Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
