Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
